Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Many of us are stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Sleepy Joe and the Mad Woman
In a phone interview with Fox Business Network on Thursday, President Trump insulted a number of women in the Democratic Party — notably Senator Kamala Harris, Joe Biden’s newly appointed running mate in the general election. Mr. Trump called her “a mad woman.”
“Man, looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the My Pillow.” — JIMMY FALLON
“He’s tough on the phone, but if he really had guts, he’d say all that on ‘The View.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“‘Sleepy Joe and the Mad Woman.’ Sounds like the best indie band. It actually sounds like a band Morrissey would join after the Smiths.” — JAMES CORDEN
“These guys love to joke about liberal tears, but they are the whiniest little babies in the world. Trump sounds like he’s sniffling to his mom after getting home from the playground. [As Trump] ‘She was the meanest, most horrible, most disrespectful bully. She gave me a wedgie.’” — SETH MEYERS
“At this point, our best shot at Trump attacking Covid is someone telling him the virus ovulates.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Good to see Fox Business really staying laser-focused on all the business.” — JAMES CORDEN
The Punchiest Punchlines (‘I Voted?’ Edition)
“OK, he just admitted that he’s not agreeing to a deal to fund the Postal Service because he doesn’t want mail-in voting to be possible for the election. Trump’s like one of those movie villains who spends so much time explaining his plan out loud that the good guy manages to shimmy out of his handcuffs.” — JIMMY FALLON
“I’ve never seen a villain give away a plan like that without seeing James Bond tied to a chair in front of him.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Trump got impeached for trying to secretly rig the election and his response is to go, [as Trump] ‘I learned my lesson. I won’t rig an election in secret ever again.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“And the truth is, this effort to sabotage mail-in voting is a real threat to America’s election. If Trump gets his way, they’re going to have to change all the ‘I voted’ stickers to end in a question mark — ‘I voted?’” — TREVOR NOAH
“Postal workers were like, ‘How much less funding can you give us? We don’t even have pants!’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Millions of Americans wrote Trump angry letters about it, but he was like, ‘Weird, I didn’t get anything.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Establishing post offices is in the Constitution. Congress needs to stand firm and protect the United States Postal Service with the same fervor the right uses to defend guns. What I am saying is you can have my sister-in-law’s Christmas newsletter when you pry it from my cold dead hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
James Corden spent “2 Hours Off” spinning and boxing with David Beckham.
Also, Check This Out
The French coming-of-age film “An Easy Girl” follows a teenager and her more experienced cousin over the course of a transformational summer.
