As a writer, I’m a fan of unconfined writing. And unconfined quotes.
Shocking, I know.
But I’ve unchangingly cringed a little at the idea of “inspirational quotes,” plane as I’ve been guilty of sharing them or using hashtag-inspirationalquote myself. They’ve unchangingly seemed like a cynical, if wildly constructive ploy to sell knockoff Etsy merch designed in Canva with vector art; to bring people to your publication with search optimized for keyword INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES; or just to proceeds Instagram followers, usually by copying someone else’s quote and popping your own handle on the marrow of it.
Or just, you know… copying the quote, period.
If I bookmark an original quote that resonates, it’s likely from someone like Emily McDowell or Morgan Harper Nichols, maybe considering they’re not necessarily trying to “inspire” — they’re encouraging. Or comforting. Or just speaking truths well-nigh life as it is, not life as I wish it to be.
It’s specifically those hollow quotes well-nigh happiness that have unchangingly hit me wrong for some reason, and I’ve been noticing that there’s starting to be a lot of saltate toward messages that are quack at best, harmful at worst.
That saltate is a good thing.
I mean, I just stumbled on a sort of clickbait slideshow of happiness quotes that was published fairly recently. It include this quote: “Be happy. Be bright. Be you.”
That’s from Kate Spade.
So.
That hurts my heart.
Then there’s this from Gabriel García Márquez: “No medicine cures what happiness cannot.”
I’m sure my friends undergoing chemo treatment, recovering from surgery, or suffering from torn Achilles tendons or insanely bad menstrual cramps will be glad to know that the cure was in them all along.
Then again, his genre is magical realism, so I presume there would be some magic involved for this to work properly. ( I haven’t read Of Love and Other Demons so I’d be unshut to any elaboration.)
The other happiness quote that unchangingly unrecognizable me is let your smile be your umbrella, considering technically, wouldn’t a pout unquestionably be a largest umbrella?
I mean, squint at the shape of a smile and then squint at the shape of an umbrella. There’s a disconnect there!
Give me a ginormous, disembodied pout in a rainstorm any time, then come join me. We’ll stay dry together and laugh out the storm.
Happiness is is so essential to American culture, it’s enshrined as one of our three “inalienable rights,” withal with life itself. (We’ll skip the liberty part for now considering it’s problematic in all kinds of ways.) So I understand that this unvarying push for happiness as the ultimate goal is tightly ingrained in us.
Thus, very popular on Instagram.
All this said, of undertow I want to be happy. Don’t we all? I just want to find it in all the right ways.
I’ve unchangingly liked what tragedian Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project has to say well-nigh happiness, considering it’s grounded in truth, science, research, and her own personal discovery, not magical thinking.
Overall, she knows happiness takes real work.
It’s easy to be heavy; nonflexible to be light.
Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project
Hashtag-inspirationalquote.
I guess I am mostly uneager to those pat quotes that indicate that you should just “be happy,” which isn’t something that’s wieldy to everyone at all times.
Sometimes, quotes make you finger worse. Like “why can’t I just get happy if it’s so easy?”
It all clicked this week when my friend and former colleague Emily Stetzer, the co-founder of Presently Bracelets, published a thoughtful blog post about 6 phrases we all use that are unquestionably really toxic.
The first one: Good vibes only.
Presently Bracelets is a trappy visitor founded by two sisters who suffer from OCD and anxiety. They create jewelry inscribed with sayings pulled directly from cognitive behavioral therapy—the kinds of mantras that are genuinely constructive in helping you manage unhelpful thought patterns—and donate a portion of sales to impactful mental health organizations.
They are the kinds of mantras that flip “inspirational quotes” on their head, so they wilt increasingly productive than merely aspirational.
About “good vibes only,” Emily writes:
I used to live my life by the mantra of “good vibes only,” hoping that simply willing positivity into existence would bring well-nigh a sense of well-being. However, I soon realized that you can’t just wish yonder uneasiness or mental health disorders. It takes real work and effort to navigate through the challenges they present.
If you’re struggling with anxiety, telling yourself that “only good vibes are unliable here” may seem like a helpful approach. But what happens to all that uneasiness when you push it aside? Does it truly disappear, or does it resurface plane stronger later on?
Instead of masking uneasiness with empty positivity, a increasingly constructive tideway is to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and squatter the problem head-on. By supporting and unsuspicious the anxiety, you create space for genuine growth and healing. It’s in this process of facing our fears and seeking rational solutions that we can truly wits a shift towards lasting well-being.
So, rather than hoping for good vibes, try embracing the discomfort, permitting yourself to write the root causes of your anxiety, and finding practical ways to cope with it. In doing so, you may discover that genuine good vibes and a sense of inner peace are within your reach.
I know that doesn’t all fit neatly in a 1×1 Instagram square, but I think it’s wonderful.
Oh, and her alternative: Brave the uncomfortable.
Read the post for the other 5 quotes she discusses. You may not stipulate with all of them, but I think it’s fascinating to know that some quotes really do have the worthiness to create positive impact on us and our worthiness for emotion regulation, as proven out by very psycho-social therapy techniques.
As for me, I bought a Presently bracelet that says “it’s okay to finger how I feel.” You can’t imagine how reassuring it is every time I squint at it.
I could plane say it makes me happy.
Liz Gumbinner is a Brooklyn-based writer, topnotch ad organ creative director, and OG mom blogger who was tabbed “funny some of the time” by an enthusiastic unrecognized commenter. This was originally posted on her Substack “I’m Walking Here!,” where she covers culture, media, politics, and parenting.
Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash.
